http://www.incorrections.com/

A few people have told me they like the blog but can never find their way back here sooo heres a handy hint, you can reach this here blog just by punching incorrections.com or .org into your search bar! HOW AMAZING IS THAT!

 

EDIT: THIS IS NO LONGER THE CASE BECAUSE OF MONEY. IF YOU’RE FEELING PARTICULARLY INCONVENIENCED FEEL FREE TO SEND ME $20 TO BRING BACK THE DOMAIN NAME.

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Shampooinating Conditioniser

A new shampoo I was just sent in the mail yesterday bairs claim to having a ‘volumizing’ effect. Intrigued as to what exactly this scientific breakthrough in perfumed detergent is, I turned to my dictionary, but alas this word was nowhere to be seen. Likewise there doesn’t seem to be a single source on the web that will actually tell me what this word means, but I am glad to report that not only can you purchase volumizing shampoo, but also conditioner, mascara, dye, face cream, hair spray and injectable wrinkle remover. It’s possible for a product to be ‘very volumizing’ or even ‘extreme volumising’ in defiance of all adjectival precedent. Heck, one advanced college of soap even goes so far as to offer courses in hair volumizering, because apparently mere volumizing just wasn’t enough for them. Another company is kind enough to offer a shampoo that is both volumizing and clarifying, which will be a great relief for all those people who’s hair is quiet and convoluted; and yet another company offers ‘knockout volumizing makeup’ presumably for people who want to emphasize the results of their last round in the boxing ring.

I think the weirdest part is that the ingredients in this amazing new volumizing shampoo are 100% identical to those found in my previous non-volumizing shampoo, apart of course from the magical ingredient of bullshit. How weird is that!

jncorrectjons

Here’s a quick one for you!

– We actually know the last letter added to the alphabet! It was J, added around the 1500’s sometime. Before then i and j were considered the same letter.

– While probably not true, there is a popular parable that claims most clocks use the non-standard Roman Numeral IIII for the number 4 (that part is true, go look at one if you don’t believe me) because j and u were, in Roman times, represented by the letters IV, which were also coincidentally the abbreviated form of the name Jupiter, that old King of the Gods who might just rain hellfire on you for putting his name fourth on a clockface.

– Uranus was originally named Georgium, but was redubbed due to the popularity of the alternate name. The element Uranium was named as a show of support for changing the name.

– If you think English is a global language, take a moment to consider Arabic numbers. They’re pretty much globally recognised, used across every continent and major language. Heck they even use them in North Korea!

Arabic Numbers used in North Korea

Kim Jong Un crushing capitalism by using three phones simultaneously and an Apple Mac.

Thats all for now. Favorite random language facts in the comments pls and thnx.

Dr Smith of Incorrections College

Having registered a few companies in my time (don’t ask), I’ve learned that certain words and phrases are out of bounds when it comes to selling yourself in Australia. Offensive words are out (though, this being Australia, we set the bar pretty low), you can’t make it look like you’re from the government, and you can’t call yourself a university. Makes sense really. However, more notably still, you can perfectly legally set up your own ‘College of Advanced Education’, without anyone batting an eyelid.

Moreso, as you may have noticed if you’ve ever been required to fill out an Australian tax return, there are literally hundreds of titles that you can stick before your name without any legal impediment (except of course the small matter of fraud), such as ‘Father’, ‘Agent’ or my personal favorite ‘Powder Monkey‘. Most notably on that list, is the title of ‘Dr.’ which, it may surprise you to learn, is a courtesy title, like Mr, Mrs or Ms, not an honorific like Sir.

You’d probably be even more surprised to learn that in Australia and many other countries, doctors aren’t actually doctors, at least in the degree holding sense. Generally a GP will hold a MBBS, we just keep calling them doctors and they just keep letting us.

So let it be known that from this day forth, I shall be known as Dr Smith of the College of Incorrections! Actually, that does have a nice ring to it… but I’ll probably just stick with Powder Monkey for now.

 

P.S. Dr Cam prescribes that this article be taken with a grain of salt. He may be a fake Doctor, but he’s certainly not a fake lawer… nor a real one for that matter.

Willst Thou Unite With Me Civilly?

I had the unfortunate experience of finding myself in the middle of a marriage feud the other day. Perhaps not the kind you were thinking of however, this was an argument over the use of the word “marriage”. In effect one party was very upset at the notion of couples of the same gender being able to enter into a “marriage”, while the other party failed to see the harm. “It’s a biblical term, that’s been unchanged for thousands of years!” was the gist of it.

Now, politics aside, this was the breaking point for me. I’ll happily tolerate a difference of political opinion, and you are always entitled to express the issue that your religion disavows the marriage of people of the same gender (in which case it would of course be well within your rights to not marry someone of the same gender) but when it comes to willful stupidity about language, that’s when you’ve crossed me, and as such I decided to wade into the debate.

I can’t for the life of me work out how a grown woman could ever have not considered that the Christian Bible has, in fact, been translated into English, but there she was getting emotional about a word that has “remained unchanged for over 2000 years”. Of course at this point I felt it necessary to point out that the biblical word for marriage was not “marriage”, it was a bunch of different Greek and Hebrew terms across various different manuscripts and revelations, “kiddushin” and “laqah” being examples1. Secondly up, our term “marriage” comes from the Latin “maritare”. It means “to provide with a husband or wife”, as the term had to allow for bequeathment and polygamy, and as such the definition in the strictly traditional sense would be remaining completely unchanged.

I also asked her what she considered the most notable thing to happen during the reign of King Henry VIII. Unsurprisingly it was when he ousted the Catholic Church in order to change the definition of marriage.

I asked her if she would object to me marrying some jam and butter on a piece of toast.

She informed me that I was missing the point.

I informed her that she’s missing one too many brain cells.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the language of love. Feel free to comment and discuss!

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1 To quote from the book ‘An Introduction to the Hebrew Bible’: “Biblical Hebrew lacks a term equivalent to the English word ‘marriage’.” The reason we today use the term “marriage” to describe various biblical ideas and terms, such as laqah, gameo, mnesteuo, koinonia, kiddushin, hatuna, nisu’in etc. etc. etc. is because, surprise surprise the meaning of marriage has changed over time to accommodate all these terms. Go figure.