A new shampoo I was just sent in the mail yesterday bairs claim to having a ‘volumizing’ effect. Intrigued as to what exactly this scientific breakthrough in perfumed detergent is, I turned to my dictionary, but alas this word was nowhere to be seen. Likewise there doesn’t seem to be a single source on the web that will actually tell me what this word means, but I am glad to report that not only can you purchase volumizing shampoo, but also conditioner, mascara, dye, face cream, hair spray and injectable wrinkle remover. It’s possible for a product to be ‘very volumizing’ or even ‘extreme volumising’ in defiance of all adjectival precedent. Heck, one advanced college of soap even goes so far as to offer courses in hair volumizering, because apparently mere volumizing just wasn’t enough for them. Another company is kind enough to offer a shampoo that is both volumizing and clarifying, which will be a great relief for all those people who’s hair is quiet and convoluted; and yet another company offers ‘knockout volumizing makeup’ presumably for people who want to emphasize the results of their last round in the boxing ring.
I think the weirdest part is that the ingredients in this amazing new volumizing shampoo are 100% identical to those found in my previous non-volumizing shampoo, apart of course from the magical ingredient of bullshit. How weird is that!